If only I had asked you
by Flying with Fairies
Summary: Lizzy speaks to Darcy at the Netherfield ball, after dancing but before the spectacle at dinner. She wants to hear his side of the story but gets more than she bargained for.
1. Chapter 1

Miss Bingley had angered me with her comments about Mr. Wickham but that was not all that was bothering me. I was disappointed at how little I had discovered from my conversation with Mr. Darcy and seeing him standing by himself off to one side, whilst everyone else was engaged in conversation or with the punch table, I could not help but take advantage of the situation.

"Mr Darcy," I said and was rewarded by the man himself coming out of his daydream and looking at me with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth. He quickly righted himself and bowed to me as I curtsied. He seemed a little lost for words and I saw that if any conversation were to happen, I must begin it.

"Sir, I know that you must be confused by my coming over to you, particularly in view of the 'heated' discussion we had earlier but I feel that I need you to help me with my judgement," I began.

"On what should I be the judge?" He asked, his brow furrowing.

"Yourself, sir. I have heard things about you, some good and some terrible and even some vague references that should engage my sympathy but all this only serves to be confusing." I wondered how badly I was breaching propriety with this.

"So you would wish me to expose myself to you in order to satisfy your feelings?" his tone steady and disbelieving but there was something else there.

"As selfish as it may sound sir, yes." After saying this, I was compelled to look at the floor.

There was a moment when I thought that he would merely sneer and walk away or even scold me but, at length, he replied. "Well then begin. But I do not promise to answer all of your questions."

"It would be cruel of me to presume that you should." I took a deep breath and found my courage. "I shall start with the fact that Mr Bingley values you highly and as a good man his opinion must be worth something and I am sure that he would not like you so much had you some evils in your past."

"That is true but surely I could have concealed any evils from him," he interjected, smirking slightly.

"You are right sir but you bring me to my next point. Miss Bingley," at this the corners of his mouth turned down, "once told me that Mr Wickham had treated you in an infamous manner," his expression grew dark and my stomach clenched, "though she did not seem to be able to recall the particulars."

"And what does all of this lead to so far?" he inquired.

"That you are a good man, mistreated but in essence a good man," I stated.

"So, if I am so good, why are you confused?"

"I am confused sir because I have a source that would paint you evilly. Mr Wickham told me that the two of you grew up together."

"That is true but how should that make me a bad man Miss Bennet?" he asked, frowning.

"He told me that your father was good to him after his own had died and promised him a living nearby," I continued.

"Again that is true." His frown was deepening and his brow furrowing in confusion.

"He then said that you refused to give him the living when it became available," I proceeded slowly.

"He said WHAT?" he hissed.

"So you deny this then?"

"Deny it? Deny it!" - His voice rose and the knot in my stomach seemed to almost double. "He never took the living. When it became available, he declined any wish to go into the church; he then requested and received the sum of three thousand pounds. I doubt that this went very far with his need to spend and women. - Excuse me Miss Bennet, I should not speak of such things in front of you but it is true, he had a great love of enjoying the company of women."

"I wonder why he should lie to me," I felt my voice rise in pitch and attempted to calm it. "What good could poisoning me against you do? Especially as he was granted the money."

"It is an act of revenge Miss Bennet," he motioned towards two nearby seats and sat down beside me. His next words were spoken almost through his teeth, as though he did not want them to escape, "Miss Bingley was right about him treating me in a bad way. He tried to take my sister's money and I put a stop to it. "

"Your sister's money? But how?" In my next breath I realised that this was probably more than he should ever wish to tell me. "Mr Darcy forgive me, I have no right to ask; it is too impertinent."

"To be sure, I have every right to decline answering the question but I shall answer it anyway. He tried to persuade my sister to marry him."

My mind jumped to various conclusions in my confusion. "Surely that is not so very evil in itself? If he loved her I mean, though I know that his rank would have disappointed you."

"But it is evil. You have of course forgotten his habits with women, surely that would disgust you in a man."

"You are right Mr Darcy, it would and I wonder that I forgot it. But surely that was not your only objection?" My curiosity was continuing to get the better of me.

"Perhaps I should have been clearer. Would a man so deeply in love try to persuade a woman to elope with him? To marry him in secret? Not ask the permission of her guardian? Leave the moment the plan is discovered and not try to fight for his love?" Here he paused for it to all sink in, "I rather think not."

"An elopement? No wonder you hate him so much. I hate myself for believing him. I am glad though that I know the truth, I would hate to continue to misjudge you because of that man's words."

"Yes Miss Bennet I do hate him but do not treat yourself so fiercely, his manners and charms easily affect people. It is not a weakness in you but a strength in him." He smiled kindly and I returned the gesture.

"Mr Darcy you are too kind and I beg you for your forgiveness for every evil thought I have had towards you and everything even remotely cruel I have said to you, you have deserved none of it."

"You are already forgiven Miss Bennet and I should suppose that I never helped my own case with my manners towards you," he said sighing.

"No matter what your manners may be, you did not deserve mine."

"As we have made our peace, I wonder if you should feel at liberty to grant me with a truth yourself."

After my behaviour towards him and the hopeful look in his eyes, I felt that I could not refuse. Besides, I doubted that it could be anywhere near as personal as what I had asked of him.

"Of course Mr Darcy, please continue." My curiosity had risen again, after all, what could he wish to know that could be gained by asking me?

"My friend, Mr Bingley, is a friendly sort of chap and his manners engage the attention of many, though his wealth engages the attention of many more." Here he paused. "Miss Bennet I am going to be frank with you - why is it that your sister pays him so much attention? I see that she gains pleasure from his attentions but see little else."

"Are you worried for your friend's sake in his heart or do you dislike my sister sir?" I asked, unwilling to answer before knowing the truth behind his musings.

He seemed to think for half a second before saying, "I am worried for my friend."

I breathed a sigh of relief, for it would be a shame to go back to hating the man after such a recent and personal reconciliation. "Then I shall put you at ease. My sister rarely shows her feelings to me or anyone for that matter so I have had to learn to read her signals."

"Her signals?" he asked, baffled.

"Yes, her signals. All that means is that I know how she really feels, no matter how much her shyness tries to cover it up. I believe, no I _know_ that she is in love with your friend, she's just so afraid of getting hurt or hurting someone else that she won't show it."

"Then, Miss Elizabeth, I am relieved to hear it." He treated me to another warm smile. "Mr Bingley and I shall travel to London within the next few days; he has business to conduct and I very much wish to see my sister but I shall make sure that Mr Bingley does not lengthen his stay anymore than necessary."

"On behalf of my sister, sir, I thank you," my face could not hold back my smile.

"Do not thank me for her, my motives are still selfish. I wish to bring my sister back to Netherfield with me and would hope that you would allow me to introduce her to you, as I am sure that you would make an excellent friend for her."

"I would be honoured to meet your sister, sir." Why the heat ran straight to my cheeks, I don't know, I guess being singled out by him positively was an unusual experience for me. I was aware that if we spent too much more time speaking privately it would cause a stir and most likely, gossip. "If you'll excuse me sir, I should return to my family."

"Of course." He bowed as a response to my curtsy and we parted as friends.

How much would be undone of our progress I was not sure but the spectacle my family were about to make could not go unnoticed by Mr. Darcy.


	2. Chapter 2

Lydia, unsurprisingly, was skipping around, taunting, teasing and flirting with the officers. Kitty was in tow and I wondered, as I have wondered many times, whether she would have been better off had Jane and I or even Mary attempted to take her out of Lydia's influence and insert her into our own. Even Mary's sombre attitude and her own silliness, as it could arguably be called, in the pursuit of the improvement of her mind, would be a far better influence for Kitty than Lydia ever could.

My mother, a woman of driven mind, was eagerly telling anyone who would listen about the great fortunes that Jane's presumed future alliance with Mr. Bingley and how these great fortunes would come into contact with us younger siblings. Unfortunately she was not only telling those who wished to listen, of them I believe there could only be a few if that, she had raised her voice in such a manner to allow almost all of Mr. Bingley's guests to hear.

My horror took on a new level when I noticed the look of Mr. Darcy's face. It was a look of disgust and contempt; this had most likely been caused by the self important introduction of and by my cousin Mr. Collins, though I know that he must have seen the rest of the spectacle. He looked at my mother, still ranting and raving about our future good fortune, which in all honesty I believe that she herself was ruining and I could see his frown increasing. My only hope was that he remembered my words from before about how Jane genuinely loved Mr. Bingley but even with our new understanding, it seemed more than likely that all would soon be lost.

My study of him did not go unnoticed. He looked at me and his expression softened. He seemed to remember my earlier words but as my mother carried on, the soft look that was becoming a smile, slowly darkened again as he looked away from me and to my mother.

Mr. Bingley mentioned having some music, Mary got up and went to sit at the pianoforte. Mary was playing the piano, that much was obvious. The rest of the noise was not quite so easy to distinguish. Her fingers may have the ability to make pleasing sounds but even as her sister and a person who through that connection loved her dearly, I could not tolerate her voice. My hope was fading and I reached a lower point when, after a smattering of applause, Mary began to play another song and our father walked up to her and removed her from the piano.

When we left that night, Mr. Bingley acted the same way towards Jane and the rest of my family as always. Mr. Darcy was a slightly different story. He said his goodbyes to my father, Mary and Kitty in his usual reserved tone, my mother and Lydia received a slightly less polite farewell but even that I thought was a little restrained. Jane received a far warmer greeting and I received the greeting of a secret friend.

* * *

It appears that weddings and matrimony was on the minds of many after the ball at Netherfield. My mother was certain that she should have a daughter positioned as the mistress of Netherfield within the course of the next three or four months.

I would have been satisfied to leave the train of thought on matrimony there but it was not to be so.

My mother entertained a great hope that upon my father's death, God forbid that should happen any time soon, that one of us girls would be the mistress of Longbourn. It appeared that with Jane presumed to be married shortly, I was the next best option.

I would not marry without love and when Mr. Collins came to me to make his addresses, I found that I had only one option.

My mother screamed at me, when she heard what I had said to Mr. Collins and demanded that I marry him but I could not and would not. My father backed me up and my mother was left to wail on her own.

* * *

As expected, the gentlemen left two days later. What I was not expecting however was for the ladies and Mr. Hurst to travel with them. I'll admit that I was glad for them to be gone but couldn't understand why they should travel with them.

After thinking about it though, I realised that the ladies would find the society in town far more to their liking.

A week had passed and I began to worry that the gentlemen should never return. Each day, I saw a little piece of the hope in Jane's eyes diminish and die. I began to wonder if Darcy's words to me still held any weight or meaning.

"I shall make sure that Mr. Bingley does not lengthen his stay any more than necessary." That was what he said to me. Only, how long could his business take? Surely it cannot take this long but then I could not profess to have a great knowledge of the business of men.

What of his other words though? "I wish to bring my sister back to Netherfield with me and would hope that you would allow me to introduce her to you, as I am sure that you would make an excellent friend for her."

Does he still mean to bring his sister here, if he returns at all? I have to wonder though, when he said that I would be a good friend for her, did he mean as an antidote to the poisons of Miss Bingley?

Oh if Jane could have heard that thought, she would have scolded me for sure!

I heard my mother complaining to my younger sisters and went to see what was troubling her.

"Oh Lizzy!" she cried, "I believe that Mr. Bingley shall never return now."

"Mama please, it has only been a week, I'm sure he will return." I wasn't but I should hate to be the one to feed my mother's hysteria.

"Then you have not seen your sister's letter from Miss Bingley, oh Lizzy, what are we to do?"

Alarmed I hastened to find Jane. My Jane had tears rolling down her face and she said nothing to me as I entered, she merely handed me a letter.

My dear Miss Bennet,

I regret that I did not have the opportunity to say my farewells in person, especially now as it seems that we are unlikely to return. My brother's business may take far longer than originally believed and we certainly have ample sources of enjoyment here in London.

Mr. Darcy's sister, Georgiana, is a fine specimen and a very accomplished young woman, as she has been able to demonstrate to us in our stay in London. It is clear that my brother admires her greatly, indeed it is hard not to and I must confess that Louisa and I hope to soon call her our sister too.

You were a good friend and my sister and I shall greatly miss your company but I fear that as we are never to see each other again I must bid you farewell,

Your friend,

Caroline Bingley.


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next few days, I found it hard to look at Jane. The sorrow in her eyes almost killed me so I dreaded to think how badly she felt inside. She repeatedly told me that she was 'fine' but I would not believe her and I decided to confront her about it, as from the looks of her, she had not let one tear escape and I knew that she needed to.

When she retired for bed that night, I went with her. I sat on the bed with her but she said nothing. For a minute or two, only the silence surrounded us and the mood got gradually worse. Unable to restrain myself from hurrying us along, I looked at her face and saw a single tear rolling down her once perfect cheek. I say once perfect because she was so drawn and pale lately that whilst she will always be the prettiest of the Bennet sisters in my mind, she was nowhere near her best now.

"My dear Jane, won't you tell me how you feel?" I asked, breaking the deadly silence.

She said nothing. A second tear joined the first.

"Tell me that you still have some hope left in you," again I spoke to an unwilling partner.

A third tear joined them.

"Oh Jane! Please say something," I half exclaimed.

"What do you want me to say Lizzy?" she whispered. "That he doesn't care for me? That he won't come back for me? That I've disappointed my entire family? That I will most likely end up marrying without love because I'll never get him back and he'll find someone else?"

I could say nothing.

Again she said "What do you want me to say Lizzy?"

A fourth, fifth, sixth and so many other tears that I lost count joined them as she began to openly cry. I put my hand on her arm to comfort her, unsure if she would want comfort or merely to cry and she flung her arms around me, her sobbing getting heavier by the minute.

The crying continued for a long time and when she eventually fell asleep it was a deep sleep, something that I would assume had been a stranger to her for a while now.

* * *

Jane's chances of marrying for love seemed pretty dire and whilst she arose with a slightly lighter heart, she was still not Jane yet.

For Charlotte however, love was not such a large concern.

"Mr Collins? You are going to marry Mr Collins?"

"Lizzy do not judge me, I'm twenty-seven, a burden on my parents and have received an offer from a good man, who can provide me with comfort and companionship."

"But Charlotte-"

"No Lizzy, my mind is made up. I can only hope that you shall be a good friend and accept my decision," Charlotte sighed and continued. "I am not romantic like you and Jane; I just need comfort and contentedness, which have been offered to me."

"Oh Charlotte, I am sorry, I may never understand your decision but I will support you in it as I could not lose you."

I left with a heavy heart. My sister had a broken heart and my best friend seemed to be disinclined to use hers. I am glad that my heart was a strong one though, for the next day brought a few surprises.

* * *

The day began just as any other and I looked at Jane to check on her as I did every day and I saw that whilst she might be sleeping better, she was still not the Jane I had grown up with and loved. She lacked that sparkle in her eyes and even though she was unfailingly polite and kind, she seemed to always wish to retreat into herself and showed little pleasure in anything.

My mother was still thoroughly distressed by the news of Charlotte's engagement to Mr Collins, calling her family 'artful' and me 'ungrateful'. It seemed that nothing would repair her spirits or redeem me in her eyes but then my mother is prone to these fits of hysteria and unreasonableness.

As was common, Kitty and Lydia walked into Meryton and seemed to have much to relate to us upon their return.

"You shall never guess what we have heard," Kitty began.

"Mama you shall be so excited when we hear and Jane, you shall be ecstatic," Lydia continued.

"I doubt that I could hear anything that could possibly make me happy ever again," was my mother's response.

I looked to Jane and she had a look of slight disbelief on her face, as though she believed that nothing would make her 'ecstatic' again. However, there was also a great curiosity inside of her and she awaited their continuation.

They giggled and Lydia said "Oh, where to start? You will be so surprised when we tell you."

"Indeed I doubt that very much Lydia, as you don't seem to be getting to your news," my father commented dryly.

"Oh Mr Bennet, you must not cause such fuss and tease her so. You must have compassion on my poor nerves," my mother interjected.

"Our news refers to Mr Bingley," said Kitty.

Jane, who had been drinking her tea, proceeded to choke and after a few pats on the back she was well again.

"Heavens child, do not stop there!" my mother urged.

"He might be coming back! The servants at Netherfield have been working around the clock or so the grapevine says. They have been preparing for a possible future arrival of the party," Kitty continued.

"The butcher and the baker have both had visits from the kitchen servants, who were buying food for their master. They have said that should he return, it will be within the week!" Lydia exclaimed.

My mother proceeded to become very flustered and excited but Jane said nothing and soon after excused herself.

"Oh where is that girl going? Surely she wishes to stay with us and speak of what she should do," my mother said.

"I hope you will excuse me, I'm going to find Jane and make sure that she is well," I said.

My mother said nothing to me and told Kitty and Lydia to repeat their tale. Mary excused herself to practice the piano and my father escaped to the safety of his study.

I found Jane in her room, sitting on her window seat and staring off into the distance.

She heard the door close behind me and turned to face me. I observed her face and saw that she had been crying but whether through joy or sorrow, I knew not.

I held her for a moment or two but then she pulled away and asked me softly, "Why has he returned Lizzy? Does he mean to torment me? Is it possible that he feels something for me?"

"I believe that he does and I can only hope that this is all resolved."

"I wish I had your faith Lizzy. If you will excuse me, I'd like to be alone with my thoughts."

"Of course but if you need me, please come and find me or send for me." I gave her one final embrace and left her in peace.

I walked downstairs in time to see Lady Lucas entering our house. Curious, I went to greet her and she told me that she wanted to speak to my mother and Jane. When told that Jane was upstairs feeling a little out of spirits, she said that my mother and I would do well enough.

I had no idea what Lady Lucas could possibly be doing here but she seemed in a good mood. I was worried for her though; my mother still thought ill of the Lucases over the incident with Mr Collins.

My mother's greeting to her was cold but nevertheless Lady Lucas was undeterred from her purpose.

"I have news that I have no doubt will be of great interest to you and your family," Lady Lucas began.

"We know that Mr Bingley may return if that is what your wish to impart," my mother replied.

"Then you do not know the half of it! I have seen Mr Bingley and Mr Darcy in Meryton!"

"No! It cannot be! They are back! This is wonderful!" my mother was clearly happier with Lady Lucas already.

"It gets better. I greeted them and they were most civil. I enquired as to why they had returned, considering that we all believed to be gone forever and he told me that he had some 'personal business' to attend to. I believe we all know what that means! He has come back for dear Jane!"

Lady Lucas was probably at this point my mother's favourite person in the whole world and promptly thanked her for coming to tell us this and offered her some refreshment. She could not stay but she said that she should call again tomorrow or the next day.

My mother ordered Mrs Hill to bring Jane down here 'this instant' and even though I protested, my mother would hear nothing of it.

Jane came down the stairs and we met her in the hallway. We were about to adjourn to the sitting room when the door was knocked. Hill opened it to reveal Mr Bingley and Mr Darcy.

Had we known of their approach, we might have been able to stop Jane from hitting the floor.


	4. Chapter 4

Quick as a flash, Mr Bingley scooped Jane up, without any thought towards propriety or Jane's dignity. I for one, respected him all the more for it.

My mother wailed; unfortunately I'm not surprised to find myself noticing this or that it happened at all. Everything else happened in a bit of a flurry.

Mr Darcy asked where we should take her and as I pointed to the sitting room and he went straight to the door and opened it, holding it for Mr Bingley to go through. I followed him and removed the cushions from the chaise lounge and Mr Bingley gracefully deposited Jane there. Mr Darcy took the cushions from me and I lifted her legs so that he could put them underneath her feet. Thankfully propriety was remembered enough in this part, Jane had enough embarrassment to come without Mr Darcy having to lift up her legs.

My mother cried, "My smelling salts!" and they were fetched by a nearby servant and promptly thrust under Jane's nose. Through it all, Mr Bingley never left her side.

After another couple of seconds, Jane stirred and tried to sit up. That was her first mistake, resulting in swooning slightly and falling back down. Her second mistake was looking to her left and seeing the anxious face of Mr Bingley. She gasped rather audibly and grabbed the smelling salts, taking a large whiff.

"Hello Mr Bingley. What's going on?" Jane asked in barely more than a whisper.

* * *

A few minutes later, Jane was sitting up and feeling much better and was proving it by being totally engrossed in a conversation with Mr Bingley, who was seated next to her on the chaise lounge.

This, unfortunately, left myself, Mama and Mr Darcy to converse. The rest of my family seemed to have no wish to join us; my father was in his library, Mary was practising her music, though thankfully not singing and Kitty and Lydia were making a nuisance of themselves elsewhere.

My mother spent the first few minutes of this conversation praising both gentlemen and thanking them for their aid. Mr Bingley barely heard this, as he was so enchanted by Jane's voice and as Jane had already thanked the gentlemen, they were in no need of thanks from our mother.

Mr Darcy seemed to be losing his patience with this conversation and after another minute or two of trying to bear my mother's exaggerated praise with grace, he suggested that perhaps the fresh air would be 'highly beneficial to Miss Bennet'.

Regardless of the truth of that statement, I knew that he believed that it would be beneficial to himself as well.

Mr Darcy then suggested that we take a short walk. I was thankful for this suggestion; I couldn't bear my mother's fawning anymore and I knew that Jane and Mr Bingley would do better to be able to distance themselves from us. Mama immediately said that she did not have a strong constitution for walks and would do better to stay inside but urged the rest of us along.

It was a good thing that Jane had been made to drink some sweet tea when she regained consciousness, otherwise I'm sure that she would have fainted again from the head rush bestowed upon her when she all but jumped up in her haste to fetch her bonnet and gloves.

The gentlemen were waiting for us outside and we began to walk in the direction of the woods, Jane and Mr Bingley in front, myself and Mr Darcy behind. Mr Darcy walked rather slowly and I thought it best to keep pace with him, for he surely meant for Jane and Mr Bingley to gain some distance.

I could see the two of them smiling and talking and all seemed to be going well. Mr Bingley made a funny motion behind his back and without any warning, Mr Darcy grabbed me and pushed me up against a tree. Before I could protest, he put one finger to my lips, hardly forceful but the shock made me stop.

He whispered to me, "Mr Bingley is about to propose to your sister and didn't want to have to worry about our intrusion, thus the signal and the most ungentleman like manner in which I secured their privacy. I am sorry for that."

"Mr Darcy," I whispered back, "I know that I should scold you fiercely for the liberty that you have taken but as you did so with good intentions, particularly ones securing the happiness of my sister, I find it hard to be harsh with you."

"Thank you Miss Bennet. I assure you, I have no intention of making a habit of it," he said dryly.

I was so astounded at Mr Darcy making a joke, even one as small as this, that I let a small laugh escape but after a glance towards Jane and Mr Bingley, I realised that I could have laughed loud enough to cause an avalanche and they still wouldn't have noticed. The two of them just stood there smiling at each other.

I couldn't help but stare at the two of them and saw him raise his hand to caress her cheek and then use the thumb of his other hand to wipe away a tear that was, finally, from happiness.

After a few minutes, Jane and Mr Bingley continued to walk and we carried on behind them.

"I am very happy for my sister and your friend, Mr Darcy," I commented.

"They shall do very well together I am sure. It is hard though, for me to be wholly happy for Bingley I'm afraid, Miss Bennet," he replied.

"Why is that Mr Darcy?" I wondered.

"I envy him a little I believe."

"You? Envy him? Why?" I asked, astonished.

"He may marry with more freedom than I," he stated, plainly.

"Surely you can afford to marry anywhere? You're rich enough."

"But that you see is the problem. When I marry, I must marry a woman of fortune and a high rank. I could not, for example, marry you or one of your sisters, given your background."

"My background?" I asked, my teeth clenched.

"Oh yes Miss Bennet, whilst I believe that you could keep me entertained for a lifetime, with your sparkling wit and charm, of course there are those bewitching eyes of yours but it is your family that betrays you." At the beginning of the sentence his eyes had held warmth but they looked cold as soon as he said 'but'.

"My family, sir?" If it were at all possible, I would say that my teeth had clenched even more.

"Yes, there is a definite theme of impropriety in your household. Your younger sisters and your mother display this the most and I suppose on occasion your father could be included. However yourself and your older sister are the model of propriety, it is just a shame that you have such low connections."

"I wouldn't worry about not being able to marry someone of my background, sir. I may not speak for everyone but I can at least speak for myself. You are the last man in the world whom I could ever marry! You are proud, arrogant and you have no qualms with insulting and slighting those around you, even on their own land!" My voice had risen to an unladylike volume but I did not care a jot.

"I believe then, that I have outstayed my welcome and that we should return to the house as I should be going," his voice cold, withdrawn and detached.

"Are you sure that you could stand to?"


	5. Chapter 5

Netherfield Park

Dear Georgiana,

It is not often in life, when a man of my years must pen a letter to his younger sister asking for advice and yet I find myself sitting at this writing desk doing just that. My problem is not as serious as you may be imagining it to be, given that I must consider it to be serious enough to write to you so you have no reason to fear.

You will remember that in my previous letters I have mentioned a woman named Elizabeth Bennet, the second daughter of a local country gentleman. As I have told you before, she is lively, witty, intelligent and has the finest eyes I've ever seen. But those eyes look coldly upon me now. I have made her excruciatingly angry with me. I told her that I could not be entirely happy for Mr Bingley – who is now engaged to Miss Jane Bennet, who is quite possibly an even nicer person than he is, unbelievable as such a person's existence may be – because he had the freedom to marry wherever he should wish to. She thought that I would be able to marry where I want due to my wealth but I told her that I was expected to marry a woman of high rank and fortune. This is fairly factual and not that offensive, however I didn't stop speaking there.

I told her that I could not marry her or someone like her because of her background. I know that I mentioned her sparkling wit and charm, not to mention those eyes, which is probably an inappropriate time for flattery but then followed it by telling her that her family was exceedingly improper and then went into detail! I started to redeem myself a little, I believe, when I told her that she and her eldest sister (Miss Jane Bennet, of course) that they were the model of propriety but then I mentioned her low connections!

She then told me that I shouldn't worry about marrying someone of her rank because I was 'the last man in the world' whom she could ever marry! Then she proceeded to tell me that she thought I was proud and arrogant! And that I had no qualms with insulting people on their own land! My object was never to insult her but I have done just that.

I need to see her again, if only to apologise. I owe her that much at the very least; we were becoming rather good friends.

I have been told by Bingley, who heard from Miss Bennet that Miss Elizabeth Bennet is travelling into Kent to see a friend of hers who is lately married. The importance of this fact is of course my own annual trip into Kent to see our aunt, Lady Catherine. I am not to leave for another week or two but I am almost determined to arrive there not long after she does.

I don't know if I'm on the right path or not. Is love truly something that I should be looking out for, in my necessary quest to find a wife? I am not yet certain whether or not I do love her; I think very highly of her but I should not wish to take her as my wife if I do not love her, especially due to the censure we should both gain as a result of it. Not only censure but abuse. Our aunt and uncle in Matlock may be able to forgive me for it in time but Lady Catherine? She surely never would. I would hate to see Miss Elizabeth hurt so and I would also hate to go to so much trouble to make her love me, only to have to live with her hate and resentment after they have driven us apart.

I /kn/o/w th/a/t/ t/h/e/ i/d/e/a/ of l/o/v/e /a//nd/ ma/rr/iag/e t/o s/o/me/o/ne/ /b/e/low/ /yo/u/r/ ow/n s/ta/t/u/s i/s p/r/o//ba/bl/y t/ain/ted/ f/or y/ou/ b/eca/use/ o/f/ Surely you must have some idea of what I should do. Help me Georgiana.

Your affectionate brother,

Fitzwilliam.

London

My dearest brother,

I must confess that I was imagining your situation to be terrible when I first opened your letter but I am relieved to know that no illness ails you or anything of that nature.

I have been giving the matter some consideration and have come up with the following solutions: if her status is that important to you then you should relinquish her and save yourselves a great deal of pain. However if you love her, then her connections can mean nothing to you. Should she be as good and intelligent a woman as you seem to believe, she will charm anyone. Show her how loving and kind you can be, just make sure that you are acting in the interest of the happiness of both of you.

I must be honest though, it does not sound like she is yours at all, nor does it sound like she will be very welcoming in Kent. You are correct though, you MUST apologise. If nothing else, she will know that you are sorry.

You may have crossed it out but I could still read it. My ideas of love have not been tainted as such, I shall just be more cautious when giving my heart and in some ways look forward to meeting the man who could take my heart and give his own to me.

It is your decision but it is not just your life that will be affected. Remember that, please.

I hope that this gives you some relief or comfort,

Your loving sister,

Georgiana.


	6. Chapter 6

As much as I'd missed Charlotte, I couldn't help but not be entirely thrilled to be journeying to see her. Only two weeks ago Charlotte had married the most ridiculous man of our acquaintance on the promise of comfort and companionship. I knew very well that my prospects were not wholly as good as I would like – well who wouldn't wish for better – but I knew full well that a marriage with little respect or love could not be agreeable, pleasant or worth any amount of material comfort. A man who had far more wealth than Mr. Collins would of course be in some way more agreeable but it would not be enough. Mr. Darcy for example –

Sir William chose that particular moment to snore himself awake, to my great relief. He had been asleep for the last hour and not even the bumpy road could wake him, he'd only snore louder for a second, waking poor Maria and return to his previous state.

"Miss Eliza, I hope I wasn't snoring and disturbing you," he said.

"Not at all sir, I assure you," I replied, smiling at him, for really what else can a person do and remain ladylike, not to mention avoiding injuring the feelings of a friend.

An hour later and we had reached the parsonage. Mr and…Mrs Collins met us outside and the embrace that I received from Charlotte could only be described as fierce. We walked inside and Mr Collins ordered the men to take our baggage inside for us. As is customary upon arriving in a new residence, Mr Collins suggested a tour of the house so that we would be able to get our bearings quickly. After half an hour of being shown every single little thing that had changed due to a comment from the great and wonderful Lady Catherine, Mr Collins finally departed to see the woman in his life.

Grateful for the reprieve, Charlotte and I sat in a parlour that I learnt was hers and hers alone. She would never admit it but I could tell that she was lonely; of course there were worse things to experience in the marital home and I'd experienced it only a few moments ago.

On the second day of my visit, I met the noble Lady Catherine de Bourgh and after being declared to be giving my opinion 'very decidedly for so young a person' and sitting through opinions that must have been made far too long ago to fit into the world today, we were allowed to leave. Of course her Ladyship ordered the carriage, for my hosts are 'never allowed to walk back'; clearly Lady Catherine does not know how beneficial walking can be to the digestive system.

No matter how well Charlotte could bear the solitude, I could not bear to be inside this house with such weather outside. So I decided to venture out, in order to explore the extensive grounds of Rosings Park. I found my golden opportunity in the early afternoon and only had to listen for five minutes to Mr Collins tell me how important it was to Lady Catherine that all ladies dressed warmly and appropriately when they walked before I was able to break free.

Fitzwilliam Darcy had finally arrived at his aunt's home after hours of nothing but allowing his thoughts to torture him. His cousin had tried to cheer him up during the ride, asking him how many hours they would have to listen to their aunts lectures, how many times Anne's frail health would be mentioned and whether Aunt Catherine would be trying to arrange their love lives again. Whilst this was all very diverting, all he could think was 'what if she never forgives me?'.

After paying his compulsory and courtesy attentions to his aunt, he expressed a desire to stretch his legs by walking through the gardens, announcing that he should be back in an hour and no, he didn't need company.

As I reached a small stream I heard a twig snap and turned to see the face of a familiar man.

"Oh hello," I breathed out.

"I was just on my way to see her ladyship when I got distracted by her beautiful grounds which could only be a credit to her good and sensible nature with that attention to detail that only she possesses," Mr Collins replied.

Smiling, I hushed him with the careful use of: "Well sir, perhaps you should tell her how you feel about her gardens but if you will allow me sir, I would offer you the advice of speeding up now as it would not do to keep such a lady waiting."

"Cousin Elizabeth you are quite right, I shall bid you a good day," he said rushing away.

I walked to the very edge of the stream and crouched down. I peered in and I thought I saw something glint in the water so I leaned closer and closer and closer until I could feel myself falling in. I threw out my arms, shrieking slightly, but whilst I managed to save myself from an unwelcome bath by putting my hands on the other side of the stream, I unfortunately couldn't move lest I wanted to end up in the water anyway.

I heard more footsteps and couldn't decide whether or not the return of Mr. Collins would be all too welcome.

"Madam, don't move I'll have you on your feet in no time."

I knew that voice. That baritone voice belonged to a man I never thought I'd have to see again.

His hands grasped me around my waist and pulled me back but I almost overbalanced, causing him to bring me closer to him as I somehow ended up turning around to face him.

"M-mr Darcy!"

"Miss Elizabeth!"

You could almost hear and feel the click in both our minds as we managed to comprehend that we were flush against each other with my palms flat on his chest. We jumped apart and tried to curtsey and bow the awkwardness away.

"Thank you for helping me with uh that," I said.

"You're perfectly welcome, I trust you are uninjured?" he replied.

"I believe that it's only my pride that is wounded."

"Speaking of pride, I must apologise for the appalling amount that I have been carrying and throwing at people. Most particularly of course: you. I shouldn't have said any of that stuff about your family; I know that I have misunderstood them and you and quite possibly everything. I hope you will forgive me for all of it. I will do anything to show you that I am sincere but there is one thing that I will not apologise for and that is the ill timed compliments I paid you because they were undeniably true." It was at this point that he actually took a moment to breathe.

"Sir, I must say that it would be not only ungracious but unkind to reject such an apology. I am certain that we can be very good friends again."

I offered him my hand and he took it, tenderly brushing my knuckles with his lips.


	7. Chapter 7

I sucked in a breath and he kissed my hand again. Such a thing was not only uncommon but a strange sensation to behold. I would almost say that he enjoyed my reaction, for he did it a third time, looking straight into my eyes! Mr Darcy's lips remained on me for at least a second longer than allowed by the rules of propriety.

He stood up slowly, never breaking his gaze, nor letting go of my hand. When he had once again reached his full height, he drew in a breath to speak.

"Darcy! Where the devil have you been?"

This was rather obviously not Mr. Darcy's voice and at the sound of it, he dropped my hand and took a step back, leaving me to deal with my blushes. I turned to see the source of the words and discovered a man coming towards us rather rapidly.

Neither of us spoke a word until the man reached us.

"Miss Bennet, might I introduce my cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam? Fitzwilliam, this is Miss Elizabeth Bennet, a friend of mine from my stay with Bingley and the guest of Lady Catherine's parson and his wife."

"Delighted to make your acquaintance Colonel. Any friend of Mr Darcy's will always be a friend of mine, for we know that he has good taste and judgement," I said, smiling at the gentlemen.

"Now, now, Miss Bennet, let us not exaggerate, I said that he was my cousin, not my friend. They are entirely different statuses, friends can be chosen," he replied, cracking one of his smiles.

"Miss Bennet I'd love to know what you've done to my cousin! He seems like a happy fellow! This never happens in Kent. I will say this though, Darcy, you simply can't keep such a delightful creature all to yourself and expect me to content myself with the company of Lady Catherine," Colonel Fitzwilliam added.

"Surely it is up to me who I pay attention to and when. I may decide to shun you both, forcing you to lavishly admire the chimney pieces and windows of Rosings Park. But teasing aside, I believe that you came here with a purpose Colonel?" I asked.

"Indeed I did." He turned slightly to address his cousin. "You've been gone too long for Lady Catherine's liking and mine for that matter. Additionally, you have forced me to be most cruel to Cousin Anne."

"I will return with you in a moment but first I must ask what it is that you did to Anne?" Mr Darcy asked.

"I left her alone with her mother," the Colonel replied seriously.

Mr Darcy attempted to reprimand his cousin for his statement but the two were fighting laughter. Mr Darcy at least tried to cover his with a cough.

"Perhaps, sirs, you ought to be getting back to your aunt and cousin before the two are quite put out," I said.

"Quite right, Miss Bennet. However we shall first deliver you to the parsonage. Right Darcy?" Colonel Fitzwilliam agreed.

"Of course," replied Mr Darcy, signally for me to start to walk.

We had only taken about half a dozen steps into our walk when the Colonel spoke again, halting us in our tracks.

"But Miss Bennet, how negligent are we? A lady must have an arm to hold. My cousin and I would both be willing I assure you so whose shall you take?" the Colonel asked, grinning.

I looked between the two men, both appearing to have no aversion to the task and replied, "Well, you both look so keen that I shall choose neither, for otherwise I should have to choose both, for fear of causing an argument between cousins."

I carried on walking and after a short, stunned silence, the two laughed and caught up with me.

"Now then Miss Bennet, as you have slighted me by refusing to take my arm, I must claim a penalty. I must know more of my cousin's behaviour in Hertfordshire, if he is so pleasant now," said the Colonel.

"That will never do Fitzwilliam, for if I too may claim a penalty, I could make mine that she cannot do that and then you would be nowhere," replied Mr Darcy.

"Ah yes, Mr Darcy, your logic is sound but you know that I dearly love to laugh and denying me my pleasures is most ungentlemanly. I'm sure that your cousin, as a military man, would find some way to make me talk at another time so you may as well let me keep my opportunity of teasing you and you keep the penalty to claim from me another time." I suggested.

"Very well Miss Bennet, I shall not suspend your pleasures but be warned, the next penalty I invent you shall not be able to refuse," Mr Darcy said half smiling, half calculating.

"Agreed. Now Colonel, I believe you may safely ask away," I said, curious about the thoughts in the minds of both men.

"Was he this jovial in Hertfordshire?" the Colonel asked.

"Oh no," I began, suppressing a laugh at the look on Mr Darcy's face, "he was only ever as pleased has he had to seem at first and the bare minimum at that. The first time I met your cousin was at a ball and…"

"I danced only four dances, ignoring the lack of gentlemen and the women without partners. It was probably a little rude of me but you both know that I am no good with strangers. Perhaps I lack not only the skill but the practice," interjected Mr Darcy.

"Mr Darcy, you have just interrupted my – and your cousin's – fun but it is no matter for I have another example to tease you with and you cannot interrupt this time to try to save yourself," I scolded.

He looked down and muttered "Very well."

"As you know, Mr Darcy was a guest of Mr Bingley, are you acquainted with him and his family Colonel?" he replied that he was and I continued, " Well Mr Bingley's sister, Miss Bingley, appears to have taken quite a shine to your cousin" I took the time to notice the grimace on Mr Darcy's face, "and she spent every moment that she could praising him – and his sister – and your poor cousin, Colonel, was forced to remain polite through the endless compliments that he could tell were only in part sincere, in order to refrain from offending his host. He believes that no one ever noticed but I could see him trying to find distractions and I believe he even ran off to some unknown room to escape her at times." The Colonel gave me a quizzical look and I clarified. "I was a guest in Mr Bingley's house for a few days, as whilst my older sister Jane was visiting his sisters, she became ill and I went to nurse her."

"No doubt she became ill from the sickly sweet compliments from Miss Bingley to my cousin!" the Colonel exclaimed.

We both laughed and even Mr Darcy cracked a smile. The parsonage came into view.

"Surely Miss Bennet there is something that you can tell the Colonel that puts me in a good light?" Mr Darcy asked.

"Well to be sure you have been a very good conversational partner, you have a highly intellectual mind and you can be very friendly, funny and charming but this is not something that I should wish to tease you about so it counts for nothing I'm afraid." I said.

At the end of my little speech, we had reached the parsonage gates and I curtseyed to the men, who bowed in return and left them to their thoughts so that I could comprehend my own.


End file.
